


Damaged Onigiri

by TonySawicki



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Fluff, I don't know you guys this is just the usual nonsense, M/M, Rimming, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 23:14:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9146311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonySawicki/pseuds/TonySawicki
Summary: Kyo was starting to feel distinctly frazzled. As he wrapped yet another onigiri, setting it in the container with the others, he wondered a bit dramatically if he even knew who he was anymore. It felt like hours, or possibly days, that he had been sitting here rolling and shaping this never-ending supply of rice balls, and yet he still hadn’t met the quota of one hundred that he’d promised Shinya he would bring to the event...





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Dir en grey at all, this is just a time-consuming hobby.  
> There's no real explanation for any of this, I guess it's pretty straightforward. Lots of bits and pieces that I kind of scotch-taped together into a story, so hopefully it still works.  
> Happy New Year, everyone!

Kyo was starting to feel distinctly frazzled. As he wrapped yet another onigiri, setting it in the container with the others, he wondered a bit dramatically if he even knew who he was anymore. It felt like hours, or possibly days, that he had been sitting here rolling and shaping this never-ending supply of rice balls, and yet he still hadn’t met the quota of one hundred that he’d promised Shinya he would bring to the event. This was definitely the last time he got stuck with this particular job; he just wasn’t cut out for such things.

He did a quick count of the number he already had in the container, and was mentally adding it to the total in the tupperwares he’d already filled when he was interrupted by his phone buzzing on the table next to him. He answered awkwardly, putting it on speaker phone since his hands were sticky from the rice he’d been getting friendly with most of the day. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, Kyo, it’s Toshiya. I’m gonna head over to your place now, are you about ready?”

“Ehh, almost.” Kyo looked at the rice he still needed to divide and shape. It wasn’t a lot. “I have maybe six more onigiri to make.”

“All right,” Toshiya said. “You can finish that before I get over there, yeah?”

“Probably, if I live that long.”

“Kyo. Keep it together.”

“That’s what I’m doing, keeping all this rice together,” Kyo said, his voice a little distant.

“Apparently you aren’t gonna want onigiri duty next time, hm?” Toshiya said.

“I’ll take whatever your job was.”

“Umm, I don’t think you want that either. I’ve been baking chocolate chip cookies for the past two days straight; isn’t that even worse?”

Kyo looked down at the rice in his hands as he wrapped nori around it. He’d used to like onigiri. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to stomach it again after living through this nightmare (assuming he did live through it). “I don’t think it could be worse. At least I don’t like chocolate chip cookies all that much to begin with.”

Toshiya scoffed. “Do you even have an oven? You probably wouldn’t be _able_ to make cookies.”

“I would buy an oven if it meant I never had to make a hundred rice balls again,” Kyo assured him.

“You be sure and tell Shinya that, then,” Toshiya said. “I’ll be over soon.”

“Right. The door should be open when you get here,” Kyo said, and he waited for Toshiya to disconnect the call, his hands thoroughly occupied.

Honestly, if it had been for anyone other than Shinya he probably would have quit already, coming up with some excuse or another for why he couldn’t possibly carry out his commitment because something awfully important had come up, or his hands had become paralyzed, or maybe he’d forgotten to mention that the smell of rice always made him nauseous and this task was therefore impossible. But no, it was Shinya’s fundraiser, and he did want to support the cause as well as support his friend and bandmate, so he would get it done. This time.

He had been having a rough day even before the rigamarole of rolling rice after he woke up to find his shower utterly refusing to get hot for more than a few seconds at a time. He’d made phone calls to all the right people but been told that no one could come and deal with it until tomorrow afternoon at the earliest, and a cold shower in late December is not an encouraging way for anyone to start their morning. So this is the kind of day it had been for Kyo, and now here he was, just a few onigiri away from the end when he chanced a good look at the work he’d been doing and frowned.

The first container he’d filled, all of the onigiri had looked really good, shapely and professional. He was dismayed to find that by now any “shape” they had would be labeled as “blob” and they could only be seen as professional if they were somehow professionally made by an endearing three-year-old, who honestly would probably have a higher standard for his work than to let these go out into the world. He considered for a brief moment trying to go back and pretty up some of the more recent ones he’d finished, but refused to let himself be that concerned with it. _It all tastes the same anyway_! he thought bitterly and carried on, taking just a bit more care with the last few onigiri he made.

Toshiya showed up not much later, knocking on the front door and then letting himself in. He found Kyo sitting grumpily at the kitchen table, surrounded by his completed works and with grains of rice stuck on his hands, arms, and clothing, a few even in his hair. Surveying the scene he said, “You close to finishing up here?”

Kyo held up the rice he was currently molding. “This is the last one. The end is in my hands.”

“Great, sounds good,” Toshiya said, rolling his eyes at Kyo’s tendency towards the dramatic. He started cleaning up the table, stacking what they’d be taking with them and carrying used dishes to the sink. He looked back at Kyo’s dishevelment. “Did you wanna grab a quick shower or something, wash up before we head over?”

Kyo gave a short mirthless laugh. “Of course, but that would be too easy, wouldn’t it?” He finished wrapping the last onigiri and stood up from the table, brushing rice from his bare forearms.

Toshiya blinked at him worriedly. “Seriously, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Kyo waved a hand. “I just smell like vinegar and I’m ready for this day to be over.” He stripped his shirt off right there in the middle of the kitchen and wiped his hands on it as he carried it to the hamper in his bedroom. There he pulled out a clean pair of black skinny jeans, a shirt, and a sweater, and grabbed his wallet and keys from the dresser. He switched his phone out of his current pants pocket and changed into his new clothes before heading out to wash his hands and face at the sink in the hall.

When he came back, Toshiya had gotten the lid on the last tupperware and was waiting next to the kitchen table where he’d stacked everything. “See you lost a little momentum towards the end there, eh?” 

“I don’t want to hear about it. I got it done, isn’t that enough?” Kyo snapped, picking up all four containers at once and heading for the door.

Toshiya ran ahead to open it for him. “I wasn’t judging, just observing! Some of my cookies are definitely on the unattractive side as well, believe me.” He held the onigiri tower steady while Kyo got his shoes on and then moved out of the way.

Kyo cocked his hip to the side so Toshiya could take his keys from his pocket and lock the front door behind them. “I just think this could have been avoided if we’d just had the thing properly catered instead. It wouldn’t have taken that much funding-wise.”

“Ah, but it spoils the point!” Toshiya locked the door and awkwardly tried to get Kyo’s keys back into his pocket without inadvertently feeling him up. “We can charge more for cookies made by _Toshiya of Dir en grey_ , those are special cookies.” He started to lead the way down to his car.

“They’re not special cookies, are they?”

“Tsk, no, not like that,” Toshiya said. “But you know how people are. Don’t you want to raise the most money for the dog shelter?”

Kyo sighed. “Yeah, yeah. Could probably make more money if we just signed some stuff. This whole thing doesn’t go against our image?”

“It at least doesn’t go against Shinya’s image,” Toshiya said, holding another door open for Kyo as they got to the bottom of the stairs. “Everyone already knows he’s got a whole dog thing, and I think us helping him out with it is only natural. Signing stuff would probably tie it too directly to the band, that might mess with our image more. With you they might keep you helping in the back during the actual event anyway.”

“Which I’m more than fine with,” Kyo said.

As they got to the parking area outside Kyo’s building Toshiya’s phone buzzed and he pulled it out to read the text while he unlocked his car. “Looks like we’re cutting it kind of close timing-wise; Shinya’s already wondering where we are.”

Kyo got the stack of food containers secured on the backseat next to Toshiya’s cookies. “He’s always like that. We’re not even late.” He closed the back door of the car and got into the passenger seat, glancing over at Toshiya as he finished typing a response back to Shinya’s text.

“I know,” Toshiya said. He finally pushed his phone back into his pocket and got in on the driver’s side, buckling his seatbelt before starting the car. “He just wants everything to go smoothly.”

“If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. If nothing else, we’ll raise a shitload of money with Kyo’s special, ugly onigiri.”

“Ugly- _cute_ onigiri,” Toshiya said with a smirk.

Kyo snorted, but made no other reply and they mostly listened to the radio as they drove. Traffic wasn’t as bad as they’d anticipated and they got to where they were going in good time. It took them a minute to get everything out of the car and not feel like they were gonna drop it all, but soon Toshiya had locked up and they were walking over the space where the event was being held. It started raining pretty heavily as they walked and Kyo was glad to see when they arrived that the tables and everything were inside.

As they approached the table with a banner declaring food and its prices, Kyo was surprised to find Die standing there, spreading trays out on the tabletop. He was facing away from them, but it was obviously him.

“What are you doing here?” Kyo said bluntly as he set his stack of tupperware down on the table.

Die turned towards him, his face lighting up immediately. “Hey! I’m here to help, obviously.” He reached over to pull a grain of rice out of Kyo's hair and had his hand batted away.

Kyo let Toshiya start arranging everything on trays and moved out of the way to lean against the next table, which was selling keychains, bumper stickers, and the like, featuring the animal shelter’s logo. “I didn’t even think you were back in town. Didn’t you make a big thing of how you couldn’t _possibly_ come help because you had to be wherever?”

“Yes,” Die said. His smile widened. “But that was before I knew _you’d_ agreed to be here. I got back last night.”

Kyo rolled his eyes at that. He’d learned long ago not to take any of Die’s flirtations seriously; it was just the way he was with everyone and reading into it would only get him hurt. “I’d better go find Shinya and let him know we’re here,” he said, and pushed away from the table, heading back towards where the actual dogs available for adoption were being kept.

It wasn’t at all difficult to find Shinya once he got back there; the drummer was standing in the middle of the partially walled-in area, calmly directing everyone around him, a chihuahua settled easily in the crook of one arm. He gave Kyo an acknowledging nod as he saw him coming towards him.

He meant to ask him where he should go, or apologize for being late, or any other number of things, but what came out of Kyo’s mouth was actually, “Did you know Die is here? I thought he wasn’t coming.”

Shinya blinked at him. “Yes, of course I knew he was here. He said he got back earlier than he expected so I was having him work the main donations table at the front.”

Kyo nodded. “He’ll be good at that, probably.”

“I thought so,” Shinya said. He looked around the space. All the available dogs had beenpenned in and everything back here was ready to go. “Did you want to be back here with the dogs?”

“Obviously,” Kyo said, reaching out to take the chihuahua from Shinya. 

He handed the dog over and led Kyo over to a woman with a clipboard. “This is Megumi. She’s from the shelter so she and her team will be handling the actual adoption processes.” Megumi bowed slightly and offered a greeting. “You’ll just be back here to help with the dogs, cleaning up, feeding, keeping them entertained, that kind of thing.”

Kyo smiled at Megumi and nodded to everything Shinya was saying. That all sounded doable.

“You might also need to interact with the prospective adoptive families,” Shinya said hesitantly.

Kyo grimaced a little before nodding again.

“Just remember it’s about the dogs and giving them the best life possible. Don’t say anything to… scare anyone away.”

“I wouldn’t,” Kyo said.

Shinya looked at him for a moment and then said, “Okay then.” He waved to Megumi, telling her to text him if any problems came up that she needed him for, and he walked up to where the tables were situated.

Kyo then properly introduced himself to Megumi and the rest of her staff, bowing and reiterating that he was there to help so they could direct him as needed. He went and put the dog he was holding into its pen, then wandered around, cooing at the other dogs while he waited for the actual event to begin.

Before long people started coming in, directing any questions they had to Megumi or someone else in a matching shelter staff polo shirt. Kyo lurked off to the side as much as possible, doing his best to smile when people looked over at him. He played with the dogs he noticed weren’t getting as much attention, befriending in particular one scrawny little guy with spotted ears whose overly energetic personality had him walled off from any of his fellow canines.

It went on this way for a while, with Kyo making the smallest and most polite conversation possible with the few people who talked to him. He only ended up posing for a couple very awkward photos; for the most part, people left him alone, and he focused on the animals. He refilled a few water dishes and took dogs out to do their business and brought them back. It wasn’t an exactly typical way to spend his New Year’s Eve, but it wasn’t totally unpleasant.

“Isn’t that _Kyo_ from sukekiyo and Dir en grey??” a shrill voice came up behind him as he was locking some dogs back into their pen. He winced before rolling his shoulders back and turning around to face some fans.

Instead he turned to find himself face to face with a smirking Die.

“It is, it’s him! Get a photo!” Die said, in the same shrill voice. No prospective adopters were even around.

“Very cute,” Kyo said, unamused.

“I know you are but what am I?” Die stuck his tongue out.

Kyo glared at him. Seriously? Why did he have to act so childish and come harassing him every opportunity he got? “Aren’t you supposed to be working the donations table?”

“I’m on break,” Die said, leaning against the dog pens.

“So you had to spend your break coming and bugging me?” Kyo went over to his spotted-eared-friend, whose shelter-given name he’d discovered was Yuki.

Die followed. “Naturally.” He shrugged. “Shinya seemed like he was busy.”

Kyo couldn’t argue with that, much as he might like to. He wasn’t doing anything particularly important, certainly nothing to rival the busy-ness of Shinya, who was basically running this whole fundraiser. He leaned over the little wall of Yuki’s pen, scratching him behind the ears. It wasn’t that Kyo disliked Die. More, it was the opposite. He’d spent years trying to ignore the nagging attraction he’d had to his guitarist until it was more than an attraction and actual _feelings_ were involved. And on a day like this, where he was in such a poor mood to start with, Die’s teasing and flirting and toying (unknowingly as it may have been) with those feelings was not something with which Kyo really wanted to play along.

After a minute Die said, “So how’ve you been?”

Kyo gave him a look. “How’ve I been? Fine, I guess.”

“Have a good Christmas and everything?”

Kyo shrugged, straightening up. “It was all right. I didn’t do much of anything. What about you?”

“Same. It didn’t really feel like Christmas; I didn’t even get any fried chicken. I just wanted to get home, but this is basically the first thing I’m doing since getting back,” Die said. “It’s good to see you.”

Kyo raised an eyebrow at Die. It wasn’t like it had been so terribly long since they’d seen each other. A couple weeks? “Good seeing you, too,” he said uncertainly.

“Your onigiri are going pretty quickly. Unfortunately that means soon they’re going to be getting to some of the ones that could have used another couple hours in the makeup chair,” Die said.

“Oh god,” Kyo said. “I know, okay, they’re ugly. You try making onigiri for that long and see how beautiful the last ones turn out!”

“Really? You wanna challenge me on something where the difficult part of it is a long-term repetitive motion?” Die looked down at Kyo.

Kyo frowned. He hadn’t thought about that, but he supposed any of his bandmates would think he was being pretty whiny with regards to something they could have done with ease. “Well, then someone else should have made them!”

“Did you _ask_ anyone else for help?” Die said.

“No,” Kyo mumbled.

“Of course you didn’t. I would have come over and helped you,” Die said simply.

“Again, I didn’t even know you were in town,” Kyo reminded him.

“Yeah, that was my bad I guess,” Die said. “Next time. You’re tryin’ to do something yourself, you’re worried your wrist is gonna get tired… Let me come over and handle it for you.” 

Die seemed to suddenly be standing very _close_ , and Kyo felt little prickles of warmth crawling down his spine and up his thighs. He swallowed as he peered at Die’s face, and his mind worked frantically, trying to come up with some witty retort. He didn’t have long to think about it as suddenly his legs were being pushed and he was stumbling back away from Die.

He looked down to see what had run into him and saw a rather small child who had wiggled in between him and Die, face pressed against Yuki’s cage. After exchanging a glance with Die he knelt down to the child’s level. “Hey there.”

The kid spared him a quick once-over before turning back to face the dog in the pen. “Hey.”

Kyo felt surprisingly intimidated by this child. At first he wasn’t totally sure whether it was a boy or a girl because of the long, curling hair tied back in a ponytail, though he was leaning towards boy just based on how they were acting. “I’m Kyo, what’s your name?”

The boy straightened up a little, pushing some of his long hair back from his face. “Taku,” he said. “Who’s this dog?”

“The dog’s name is Yuki,” Kyo said. “Were you and your family looking to adopt?”

“No,” Taku said. “We’re here to get a dog.”

Die hid a snort behind his hand, turning it into more of a cough. 

“Is Yuki your dog?” Taku asked Kyo.

Kyo smiled and shook his head. “No, he doesn’t have a real home right now. He could go home with you, if you and your parents want him to.” There was something _cool_ about this kid. Kyo was sure he hadn’t been this cool when he was so small, and even though he’d bonded with Yuki he found he would be okay with the dog finding a home with this boy.

“Who drew all over you?” Taku said then, tilting his head as he tried to make out the tattoo on Kyo’s neck. “My mama gets mad when I draw on myself. Does your mama get mad?”

Kyo nodded his head side to side. “She might, but I guess ‘cause I’m grown up she doesn’t mind too much. I had some really cool artists draw on me, people whose job it is to do just that.” He pushed up one of his sleeves to show off more of his ink. 

Taku’s eyes widened as he looked at Kyo’s arm and he reached out to run his fingers over the patterns there. “That’s awesome. I want that job too! Do you have to be good at school to get that job? I’m not that good at school…”

Kyo shook his head. “Don’t ever think that school can keep you from doing what you want. I mean, school is important in its way. You can meet people there, and learn what you care about, but in the end, if your dreams don’t involve school, doing what you love is more important.” He looked around quickly, afraid that the kid’s parents would have overheard and suddenly be bearing down on him.

“Yeah, I know,” Taku said. He traced the end of one more line on Kyo’s arm and then turned back to Yuki, who was now standing on his hind legs leaning his front paws against the wall of his pen. “This dog is weird-looking.”

Kyo frowned a little. “Well, if you—”

“He’s my favorite,” Taku said. “MAMAAAA!!” He abruptly ducked back out from between Die and Kyo and quite literally somersaulted his way across the floor until he rolled to a stop at the feet of a couple some dozen yards away.

Kyo stared after him with wide eyes and then stood up, shifting a little closer to Die as he shook his head. “Man, kids fucking terrify me.”

Die looked slightly shocked as he looked back at him. “Seriously? But… you’re so good with them. That was kind of amazing.”

“Nah, man,” Kyo started walking away to the other end of the line of pens, just to not be there if the boy came back to introduce Yuki to his parents.

“Do you really not like kids?” Die asked, coming up next to Kyo again.

“No, I do! Or… it’s not that I don’t like them. I think kids are kind of fascinating and inspiring, but they scare me a lot,” Kyo said as he picked up a dog’s empty water dish and carried it over to the sink along the back wall so he could refill it, Die trailing after him all the while. “I don’t ever want to be… the Thing in some kid’s life that traumatizes him, that hurts him. I don’t want to be that… Damage for someone.”

Die didn’t say anything, just kept looking at him with sad eyes. 

“Shouldn’t you be getting back?” Kyo said, starting to get uncomfortable with how Die was looking at him.

“I guess I should,” Die said, but he still didn’t leave. After a pause he said, “You think you’re damaged.” It wasn’t a question, but he still peered expectantly at Kyo, obviously waiting for some response.

Kyo shrugged, and returned the now-filled water dish to the dog who was waiting for it. “Don’t you?”

The sad look on Die’s face was so much that Kyo couldn’t meet his gaze. It seemed like an hour passed before finally Die put a hand on Kyo’s shoulder, squeezing for just the briefest of moments, and then walked away, back to his position at the front tables. 

Kyo was both relieved and disappointed to have Die finally leave him alone. He focused on the dogs more intently for the rest of the event. He would pick one up and carry it around, showing it off to anyone who came in, trying to play up each one’s friendly personality. It worked, too; even before the event’s scheduled end, all the available dogs present had been adopted and paperwork had been submitted. Kyo helped Megumi and her team break down the barriers and clean out the cages while an intern politely turned people still looking to adopt away, giving them the information to come to the shelter directly and see other available animals in the new year. 

By the time it was over, Kyo’s mood was certainly improved from the beginning of the day, but it plummeted again when he realized how much he wanted to take a shower. He thanked the shelter staff for all their hard work and for their patience with him, and went to say goodnight to Shinya and then find Toshiya for a ride home. 

Shinya was collapsing the tables they’d been using in the front when Kyo found him. “Kyo! Thank you for coming, it means a lot to me,” he said with a bow. “It was a great success. A lot of animals found new homes in time for the new year and that was what I wanted. Plus, the donations will help the shelter running for a while too; they might even be able to expand.”

“That’s great, I’m glad to hear it,” Kyo said. He helped Shinya load the last table onto a trolley where the rest of them were already laid.

“Heading out?” Shinya asked.

“Yeah, as soon as Toshiya’s ready to go, I guess.”

A little crease appeared between Shinya’s brows. “Toshiya already left.”

“He what?” Kyo said. “Ah, shit.”

“It’s all right!” Die said suddenly, coming up next to Shinya, carrying Kyo’s empty tupperwares. “I told him I could drive you! Don’t get mad at Toshiya; I assured him it was fine for him to leave ‘cause I could be your ride.”

Kyo scowled. He most definitely _would_ be mad at Toshiya, thank you very much, and he’d go ahead and be mad at Die too. But then, he couldn’t actually complain when both of them were nice enough to offer him a ride since he hated driving in New Year’s Eve traffic. “Thank you,” he said through gritted teeth. “Let’s go then.”

Die called out a goodnight and happy new year to Shinya and hurried after Kyo towards the parking garage where he’d left his car. They had to walk outside to get to it and it was pitch black out by now and still pouring rain. He tried to walk quickly without really getting ahead of Kyo. “I heard all the dogs got adopted. That’s great!”

“Yeah, I guess it went well. Hopefully at least most of those homes will actually be suitable for dogs and they won’t end up dumping them back at the shelter.”

“Yeah, hopefully,” Die said, some concern showing on his face at the quick pessimistic response. “Taku ended up taking Yuki home?”

“Who?” Kyo asked, although he remembered perfectly well who both Taku and Yuki were. He wasn’t sure why he felt like being so difficult. Maybe it was just that his mood was already so low, and now he smelled like wet dog. And to make things worse, the only person around to see him like this was _Die_ of all people. He followed Die up the stairs to the level his car was on. “Oh, the kid, right? Yeah, I guess so. He’s too young to have a dog though; I’m sure his mom’s gonna end up doing all the work.”

“Maybe not, he seemed like a pretty smart kid,” Die said.

“Doesn’t make him responsible,” Kyo said.

“All right, that’s it,” Die said, turning on Kyo as they arrived at his car. “What is your problem, exactly? What is this mood you’re in?”

Kyo was taken aback. He was frequently in moods but rarely called on it and he wondered just where he had crossed that line. “It’s nothing.”

“Is it?” Die said skeptically. “I mean I know you’re a judgmental and pessimistic person, but isn’t this a bit much?”

Kyo sighed. “I… haven’t had a great day. And I smell.” He shrugged a little helplessly, realizing how lame it sounded.

Die unlocked the car, putting Kyo’s empty food containers on the backseat before walking around to the driver’s side. “You smell. That’s what your mood is about?”

“More or less.”

“Well, soon you’ll be home and you can shower, you should be pleased about that.” He slid into the driver’s seat and buckled up.

“That’s where the bad day part comes in,” Kyo said, getting into the passenger seat and closing the door behind him. “There’s something wrong with the plumbing in my apartment and no one can come until tomorrow afternoon. I guess I’ve been stressed out about it all day.”

“Ohh.” Die started the car. “Yeah, that fucking sucks.” He wrinkled his nose. “And you do kind of smell.”

“I know!!”

Die laughed. “Easy solution! You can come shower at my place. I have your Christmas present there to give you anyway.”

“I don’t want to impose,” Kyo said quickly.

“No, it’s no problem or I wouldn’t offer! It’s settled then,” Die said, and he started driving towards his own townhouse. 

While they drove, Die talked, mostly about inconsequential things, some of the funny people he’d talked to while he was working the donations table and so forth. He didn’t press Kyo into any really two-sided conversation, and, gradually, Kyo’s mood began to lighten. By the time they were parking outside Die’s place, Kyo was actually laughing, his anger at Die being the one to drive him quite forgotten.

“On the plus side, I don’t think she had _any_ idea who I was,” he was saying as he got the front door open. “And she _did_ end up donating, so there you have it.”

Kyo laughed again. “Fine, you’ve made your point. I’m incredibly lucky that I spent most of my day just interacting with dogs.”

“It’s just the truth,” Die said, holding the door for Kyo to come in. “Bathroom’s upstairs. I’ll grab you something to change into.”

“Thank you,” Kyo said, leaving his shoes turned around against the step up into the living room. “And thanks again, for offering your shower.”

“You’re welcome anytime,” Die said with a smile. He locked the deadbolt on his door andheaded up the stairs to his bedroom. 

Kyo stepped up into the living room and the smallest of smiles crossed his face to see how it was still done up with Christmas decorations. Die’s somewhat puny but charming tree was in one corner. It wasn’t lit up since Die had been out all day, but a smattering of wrapped gifts still lay under it and Kyo felt a bit sad that Die hadn’t gotten to celebrate Christmas the way he wanted since he’d been out of town doing DECAYS stuff.

He started up the stairs and nearly ran into Die just as he got to the second floor landing.

“There you are!” Die said. He held out a bundle of clothing and a towel for Kyo. “Bathroom’s on your right, and I think the shower is pretty straightforward, but you can just holler if you have any problems with it.”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Kyo said, taking the clothes and towel and looking towards the bathroom. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Die said. “I’ll be downstairs. You want something? Food? Tea?”

Kyo started to decline automatically but then paused. “Yeah actually, sure. I could eat. Thank you.”

“Great, I’ll make us some onigiri,” Die said with a wink and he brushed past Kyo as he went downstairs.

Kyo just shook his head and moved towards the bathroom, happy to let the relief of his impending hot shower sink in. He undressed quickly, folding his clothes as he removed them and stacking them on the counter. When he had the water hot enough he stepped into the stream and sighed deeply. Die’s shower had good water pressure, better than his at home, and he turned towards the spray, closing his eyes as he stood directly in it and let it rush over him, washing away his negativity at least for this brief moment.

Something in him felt a pleased sort of excitement at using Die’s bodywash, having that scent all over him, surrounding him. It was such a good shower he took longer than he even should have, washing himself thoroughly and singing vague snippets of things as his muscles relaxed under the warm water. When at length he realized how slow he was being he finished rinsing off and shut off the water. He patted himself dry with the towel Die had given him and tied it around his waist while he sorted through the bundle of clean clothing. He got the boxers on first and then the lounge pants, which he was sure must be only calf-length on Die because they actually fit him rather well. Finally, he pulled the tank top on and then shivered, wishing his own sweater didn’t reek quite so much. He carried the towel and his dirty clothes out of the bathroom with him planning on asking Die if he had a laundry set-up that he could use.

Pleasant smells met Kyo as he came downstairs and he saw Die sitting at the kitchen table, reading something on his phone. The lights on the Christmas tree had been turned on and the twinkles made their way over to Die, who had changed into black sweatpants and a low-cut long-sleeved shirt and looked the very picture of sexy-yet-casual comfort. He looked up when Kyo came in the room and grinned. “Have a good shower?”

“I did, actually. You have great water pressure,” Kyo said, rubbing at his shoulder self-consciously. “Do you have, like, a sweatshirt or something I could borrow?”

“Oh shit, I didn’t even think about that, sorry!” Die said and he jumped up, hurrying towards a small room off to the side of the kitchen. Kyo followed him and discovered it was the laundry room. “Here,” Die said, pulling a soft grey sweater down from where it had been hanging over the washing machine. He look the bundle of clothing and the towel from Kyo and dumped it all into the washer. “You don’t have anything in the pockets?”

Kyo shook his head. He’d left it all on the bathroom counter, except his phone which was in the pocket of the lounge pants he had on. He pulled the sweater over his head and let out a soft sigh at how snuggly he felt. “It’s getting a little embarrassing how many times I’m saying ‘thank you.’”

“Then stop saying it,” Die said, adding detergent and fabric softener to the load of laundry before he started it. “I’ll just assume it’s implied.” He led the way back into the kitchen and pulled a chair out from the table, gesturing Kyo into it.

“I can try,” Kyo said. He wasn’t used to letting someone do all this for him, but there was something kind of nice about it. A moment later a bowl of hot miso was placed in front of him and his stomach gave a loud and enthusiastic response.

Die laughed, sitting down across from Kyo with his own bowl. “Hungry?”

“Apparently so,” Kyo said. “This looks and smells amazing. Itadakimasu.” He picked up the bowl, enjoying the warmth of it in his hands before taking a sip and letting out a sound close to a moan.

Die watched him, grinning the whole time, not bothering to talk much while they ate.

As soon as Kyo had finished Die swept both bowls away off to wash in the kitchen sink. Kyo got up and crossed his arms over his chest, trying to glower at Die, even as he still felt incredibly moved by the care he was receiving. “Why are you being so nice to me?” he asked suspiciously.

“Am I not usually?” Die said, looking up from the bowl he was washing.

“Come on, you know you’re being, like, _nice_ -nice.”

Die considered for a moment as he finished the dishes. Leaving them to dry on the rack next to the sink, he shrugged as he headed to the living room. “I just like seeing you happy.”

Kyo pursed his lips and followed Die into the living room, sitting cross-legged on the couch.

Die promptly plopped a present in Kyo’s lap and sat down on the couch as well, turned towards him, waiting to see him open it.

Kyo was surprised, even though he knew Die had mentioned having a gift for him earlier. “I… You want me to open this now? It’s New Year’s Eve. It’s getting late, I’d think you’d want to be out drinking somewhere,” he said, trying to deflect as much as possible.

“And I’d think you’d want to be at a shrine,” Die countered.

“I guess we’re having a kind of different New Year’s this year.”

“Looks like it,” Die said. “Open it; it’s nothing exciting.”

Kyo picked up the present and took the shiny red bow off the top of it, handing it back to Die. It was wrapped neatly, much nicer than he ever bothered to wrap presents, and he was reminded once again of how ugly some of his onigiri had turned out. Die’s would have been much more beautiful, he was sure. He got the paper off and looked at Die before looking back at the box in his hands. It was a lens for his camera. “Is this really what it is?”

“It’s the right one, isn’t it?” Die said worriedly. “You said yours broke, the one for portraits. So that’s the one you needed, right?”

“Yeah, it’s perfect,” Kyo said. Another wave of guilt swept through him. Camera lenses were _expensive_ and it was incredibly thoughtful and he didn’t even have a gift for Die. He set the box down on the coffee table, turning back towards Die. “Thank you. I, um… I don’t have anything for you.”

“That’s okay. Merry late Christmas,” Die said, waving the gift bow in his hand.

“Well, you just tell me what you want and I’ll get it for you when I get a chance,” Kyo said. “Like, anything. You’ve done so much for me tonight and I’m bad at shopping anyway, so just tell me what you want and it’s yours.”

Die’s eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second and then he slapped the bow on Kyo’s chest. 

Kyo looked down at the bow and let out a huff of a laugh. “Die, I’m serious.” Suddenly he was being pushed back against the arm of the couch, Die’s lips closed over his, and he could feel huge question marks floating around his head. When Die pulled back, Kyo frowned at him. “Come on, this isn’t funny.”

“Do I look like I’m laughing?” Die said. He didn’t.

“Well,” Kyo said, pushing himself to sit upright again. “I’m not trying to prostitute myself for a camera lens.”

“Kyo,” Die said, sounding exasperated. “I like you. I _really_ like you, and I haven’t exactly made that some big secret. I’ve been pretty upfront about it.”

Kyo stared at him. He couldn’t fully make sense of the words Die was saying.

“You asked why I’m being so nice to you, and I guess that’s why. It’s kind of selfish actually. I want you, and I thought there was a chance you might want me too.” Die settled his hand on Kyo’s knee and let his fingers trace invisible patterns there. “If you don’t, that’s fine, and I apologize if I’m making things uncomfortable, but that’s the gist of it.”

All of the flirting and suggestive comments, all the extra gestures of kindness… Kyo tried to wrap his mind around it. It was for him? Was that all… _not_ how Die was with everyone? He couldn’t get himself to make any kind of response and after a few minutes of silence Die moved back, scooting to the other side of the couch to give Kyo some space.

“Die,” Kyo began, and Die cut him off with a shake of his head.

“Forget it, I’m sorry,” Die muttered.

“No,” Kyo said, reaching out to take Die’s hand. “I don’t want to forget it. You’re… not wrong. I want you more than you know.” He crawled towards Die on the couch, but stopped before he was all the way in his lap. “I have for a long time.”

Die looked at him with wonder in his eyes. He reached the hand Kyo wasn’t currently holding out to touch Kyo’s face, his fingers brushing over his lips. 

Kyo shivered but he also felt impossibly warm. His tongue slipped out to lick over just the tips of Die’s fingers and Die let out a little gasp. Kyo pushed his hand out of the way so he could lean in and capture Die’s lips, wasting no time before deepening the kiss, moaning against Die’s mouth. He pulled back to tug off the sweater Die had been so kind in retrieving for him, and when he’d gotten it over his head Die was standing, holding out a hand to help Kyo up from the couch as well.

Die led them wordlessly up the stairs to his bedroom, only stopping once they were inside to pull Kyo into another kiss, one hand cupping the back of Kyo’s head, the other at his waist. 

Every one of Die’s kisses had Kyo feeling more like he was floating out of his body, completely detached from his own mind. Something about the way Die’s tongue moved, the way his hands silently urged him ever closer, drove Kyo wild in a way no kisses ever had before. Before he fully realized it Die was gently pushing him back down onto his bed, still kissing him like it was what he was made to do. Kyo let his hands flit over Die’s chest and down his sides, finally grabbing his hips and pulling them towards him, pulling Die down over him. He was almost surprised by the moan that escaped him as Die ground his hips against him and he became aware of his own steadily growing arousal.

Die finally broke their kiss to smile down at Kyo, watching his face as he ground against him, seeing his lips part, the tiny gasp of air he took in as Die’s hardening length moved against his own. “You are so effortlessly sexy. Are you aware of it?”

One corner of Kyo’s mouth quirked up. “You’re one to talk,” he said, pushing his hips up against Die. He slid one hand under Die’s shirt and up to his chest, just resting it there. Closing his eyes to keep himself from hesitating he said quietly, “I want you to fuck me.”

Die paused in his movements, a bit shocked. “You want _me_ to…?”

“Yes,” Kyo said.

“Say it,” Die whispered.

Kyo opened his eyes, looking up at Die with some of the fire he more commonly showed on stage. “I want your dick in my ass, and I’m getting tired of asking.”

Die let out a breath. “Fuck, okay.” He climbed off of Kyo and went to dig some lube out of the drawer on his bedside table. 

“Don’t bother with a condom,” Kyo said, sitting up and removing his shirt. “I’d kind of like the feeling of you dripping down my thighs when you’re finished.”

Die turned to stare at him open-mouthed. He was just in time to watch Kyo push his pants and boxers down and kick them aside, leaving him naked and hard on the edge of the bed. Die shook his head, blinking a couple of times before he tossed the lube onto the bed and shut the table drawer.

Kyo smirked as he leaned back on his hands and spread his legs, letting Die see everything. 

Die kept his eyes on Kyo as he stripped out of his clothing. Then he moved to the bed and picked up the lube, issuing a soft, “Turn around.”

Kyo slid off the bed and then bent over it, sticking his ass out towards Die. “Is this how you want me, Daisuke?”

“God, yes,” Die said, and he ran his fingers teasingly over Kyo’s ass a bit before snapping the lube open and letting some drip down Kyo’s crack. He rubbed it around Kyo’s entrance, being very gentle when he finally slipped a finger inside him.

“Mmm…” Kyo pushed back against Die’s finger. “Ah, yes! More, god!”

Die followed instructions well, adding another finger quickly, moving them in and out of Kyo, spreading them inside him.

Kyo felt like he still hadn’t totally regained full control of his brain after all those intoxicating kisses; now Die was making him feel so good his pre-cum was dripping onto the bedspread under him and he already wanted to take his own dick in his hand. “ _More_ ,” he said again.

Die squirted some lube onto his own length and pulled his fingers out of Kyo, replacing them at once with his cock. He barely paused before he started thrusting into Kyo hard and fast.

“YES, oh, god, Die!” Kyo was shoved forward by Die’s thrusts, and leaned heavily on his forearms on the bed. He moaned low in his throat as he pushed back against Die, wanting him even deeper. 

Die couldn’t seem to slow down, his fingers gripping Kyo’s hip bones as he leaned over him, humping desperately. 

It didn’t take long for Kyo to feel something in him tightening and he reached for his cock only to have Die slap his hand away. He let out a whine as Die grabbed his wrist and twisted his arm behind his back. “Die, please, I’m so close…”

Die held Kyo’s wrist against his lower back. “Just wait. I promise I’ll let you cum eventually,” he panted out, still keeping his quick pace in his thrusts.

Feeling a bit helpless, Kyo clenched his muscles around Die, a spiteful little act of rebellion, and Die gave a gasping sort of moan as he slowed for a moment. Once he caught his breath he started to pick up speed again, and Kyo clenched around him again.

This time, Die lost it. He cried out and let go of Kyo’s wrist in favor of holding both of his hips, and gave a few more full thrusts before leaning over Kyo’s back and stilling as he came inside him.

Kyo bit his lip as he felt himself being filled. His own cock throbbed with need, but he didn’t reach for it again, waiting for Die to signal him. He looked at Die over his shoulder, wondering what he was going to do now that he’d finished.

After taking a minute to steady himself, Die pulled out of Kyo with a soft grunt and looked down to see his cum slowly trickling out of Kyo’s asshole and down over his balls. Without hesitating he knelt down behind him and began licking it up.

Kyo let out a shocked cry and tried to sort of scramble up onto the bed away from the new assault on his sensitive areas, making it as far as getting his knees onto the mattress before he felt Die’s tongue lapping at his hole and couldn’t stop the loud and obnoxious moan that came out of him. He dropped his face onto his arms, shuddering with every breath. He wanted to tell Die to stop, but he couldn’t get the words out, couldn’t bring himself to end the incredible things Die was doing to him when it felt more amazing than just about anything he could remember.

Die licked up all the cum that leaked out and then circled Kyo’s asshole with his tongue before flicking over the ring of muscle a few times. He held Kyo’s cheeks apart as he speared his tongue into him, listening to his breathless whimpers with a sense of self-satisfaction. He paused to speak, sure to be loud enough that Kyo could hear him, “Now. Cum for me, now.” Then he went back to running the flat of his tongue up from Kyo’s balls to his crack, moaning as he did so.

Kyo could hardly keep his balance enough to get a hand under himself, but he managed,and was soon jerking himself off wildly. It wasn’t even a minute later that he was screaming, his face buried in the covers, as his whole body convulsed with his orgasm.

Die finally pulled back to watch him, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and then smiling as he saw Kyo utterly wrecking his bedspread with his jizz. As Kyo sort of collapsed sideways, panting heavily, Die crawled up onto the bed next to him, wrapping his long limbs around the smaller man.

“Die…” Kyo said, his head lolling to squint over his shoulder at him. “Jesus fuck…”

“Mm, I’ll take that as a compliment,” Die said. He pressed a few kisses to the back of Kyo’s neck.

“Nng, yeah, that would be an appropriate way to take it.”

Die was quiet for a minute before he said, “I don’t think you’re damaged.”

Kyo tensed a little, but kept looking forward. “No?”

“Or maybe you are, in the way that we’re all broken pieces, stumbling through this world looking for things or people that will complete us.” Die shrugged, just stroking over Kyo’s arm. “Whatever the case, you’re fine as you are.” He paused again. “I love who you are,” he added quietly.

Kyo’s throat felt too tight for him to even reply, so he just curled into himself more and they lay there in silence for a while.

“Ah, shit, the laundry,” Die said suddenly.

“Nooo,” Kyo said, holding Die’s arms around him. “It’s already smelly; we can re-wash it in the morning.”

Die smiled. “So you’re staying till morning?”

“Well, I’m not gonna take a taxi home on New Year’s, wearing your pajamas.”

“Fair point,” Die said. He sat up and turned off the lamp on the bedside table before pulling back the sheets and blankets. “Come get under the covers then?”

Kyo whined at having to move, but knew he would be much more comfortable tucked into bed properly so he pushed himself up and crawled under the covers, immediately wrapping Die around himself again once he was settled. “This is nice,” he said softly after a while.

“It is,” Die agreed. “I would be okay with the New Year being a lot like this.”

Kyo grinned and wiggled back even closer against Die. “Me too.”

“Now it’s time to sleep, my love,” Die said, kissing Kyo’s hair.

“Die, I love who you are, too,” Kyo whispered, just barely audible in the quiet of the room. Die’s grip on him tightened enough to let him know he’d heard, and Kyo drifted off to sleep peacefully. He felt like he could make any number of onigiri with Die by his side, and for once he had high hopes for the New Year.


End file.
